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20 signs you're a Lakerholic during this offseason

May 16, 2011 |  6:11 pm

Photo: There are plenty of Lakerholics living among us. Credit: Don Bartletti / Los Angeles Times The symptoms are only going to get worse during what's expected to be a prolonged offseason because of the impending lockout.

But with the Lakers only eight days removed from their season-ending sweep at the hands of the Dallas Mavericks in the Western Conference semifinals, the time has surely felt like an eternity for Lakers fans. There is no cure for treating the symptoms of being a Lakerholic and none of you want to know what is either.

This post is not meant to spark an intervention. Instead, below the jump is a guide to know whether you've truly jumped off the deep end yet.

In no particular order, you know you're a Lakerholic if . . .

1. You've been repeatedly pinching yourself hoping the Mavericks sweep over the Lakers was just a dream.

2. You've been having dreams where you replay that series. You either have the same nightmare or you wake up disappointed because in your dreams the Lakers easily beat the Mavericks.

3. You refuse to watch the NBA playoffs because the Lakers aren't it.

4. You watch the NBA playoffs with an eye on who would look good in a Lakers uniform.

5. You're suddenly wearing a Chicago Bulls jersey because you can't wait to see the Miami Heat lose in embarrassing fashion in the Eastern Conference finals. You also bought a Derrick Rose jersey hoping the Lakers will get him in a trade. Yeah for who? Luke Walton?

6. You constantly watch Shaquille O'Neal's introductory news conference, hoping that's a sign of the Lakers stealing another Magic center in Dwight Howard

7. You use the ESPN Trade Machine at least 100 times a day.

8. You repeatedly visit Staples Center and talk to the Chick Hearn, Jerry West and Magic Johnson statues as if they're real people.

9. You've constructed out of clay the molds for statues of Kobe Bryant and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, wondering if the real ones in the future match your prototype. 

10. You either endlessly replay Game 4 of the Lakers-Mavericks series to add to your pent-up frustration and passion for next season or choose to watch happier moments, such as Game 7 of the 2010 NBA Finals.

11. You rewatch telecasts with the sound off imagining Hearn's voice calling the game.

12. You endlessly argue with your neighbors about who is the greatest Laker of all time. Sometimes you change your opinion simply so you can argue.

13. You buy tickets to the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame in advance every year, presuming at least one Laker will be inducted.

14. You repeatedly write Jerry Buss and Mitch Kupchak "Dear Santa" letters. You also fax or e-mail Kupchak various trade proposals at all hours of the night.

15. You've bought at least 1,000 Laker flags in your lifetime. 

16. You booked a trip to Spain this summer in case Pau Gasol plays for the Spanish national team. Seeing him play in person is the only solution to easing your anxiety over whether he'll bounce back from his playoff struggles and whether he'll avoid injury. 

17. You name your newborn after your favorite Laker and/or dress your pet like your favorite Laker. 

18. Frustrated with how the Lakers' season ended, you start a brand new Lakers season on NBA 2K11 to prove you can run the team better than they did.  

19. Even with a lockout looming, you've formulated your own Lakers schedule to anticipate what games they might play.

20. This one's a given. You visit The Times' Lakers blog every day and comment at least five times on every post. 

--Mark Medina

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Photo: There are plenty of Lakerholics living among us. Credit: Don Bartletti / Los Angeles Times