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Assigning 'Jersey Shore' nicknames to the Lakers

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The "Jersey Shore" season finale airs Thursday night, but I'm not watching it. I already have a built-in excuse not to, given that the Lakers play Golden State in a 7 p.m. exhibition game in San Diego. But I'd also like to abstain from watching MTV's hit reality TV show so I can salvage any shred of dignity and intelligence I have left, which, as I'm sure many of you will point out, isn't much. Still, I'll admit I've caught enough episodes to know that the show features ridiculous names, such as The Situation and J-Wowww.

Many members of the cast appeared at a Lakers game last season, acting like they owned the joint and forgetting that there are plenty of celebrities on hand every night at Staples Center. Should the "Jersey Shore" crowd return for another game, here's how I imagine they would address the Lakers players (as predicted by a "Jersey Shore" name generator).

Ron Artest: R-Muscle

Matt Barnes: The Blowout

Steve Blake: The Hands Team

Shannon Brown: The Operation

Kobe Bryant: The Condition

Andrew Bynum: The Tricep

Derrick Caracter: The Body

Devin Ebanks: The Impact

Derek Fisher: Hard Hat

Pau Gasol: The Tan-talizer

Lamar Odom: L-Train

Theo Ratliff: Juice Box

Luke Walton: The Backup

Sasha Vujacic: The Prince of Paramus

-- Mark Medina (M-Gel)
Twitter.com/latmedina

E-mail the Lakers blog at mgmedin@gmail.com.

Photo: "Jersey Shore" cast members. Credit: Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

 
Comments () | Archives (65)

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What, no Snookie?

htj - JEEZ man!! Getting on here first is supposed to be MY thing!! What is wrong with you people today?

Happy Birthday Utz.

The cast of Jersey Shore should be banned from ALL Lakers games in the future.

MM - your shred of intelligence left the building when you wrote the title of this thread.... sorry to tell you....

That pic is even uglier than Pau's armpit photos. Gah!

just another "always takes a dig at MM whenever I can" mamba fan

i was ready for it lol

I am really looking forward to the game tonight.


Is anyone else with me on starting to like Matt Barnes? I really like how he speaks and what his focus seems to be. I'm hoping he's another Thriller in the rough.


Did anyone else know that Blaker was feisty? I know I was NOT expecting that little dust-up with Elson - was anyone else totally taken by surprise by that?


Is it just me, or does Fish look pretty much like he did all last season? Cuz as much as he was jacking up shots then, he sure came through in the playoffs. I'm hoping this similarity is a good sign. That said - physically he looks great. Maybe even better than last year... again, another good sign.


Anyone worried about Kobe? Yeah.. didn't think so...


Can someone - MM - please tell Pau about these places they have called 'gyms' where you can go and do a thing called 'lift weights'. Please.


Thriller is rising rapidly on my 'Favorite Laker of All Time' list.


Here's hoping Trevor 2.0 gets some meaningful burn tonight. I'm still waiting to see a slash to the hoop for the flush... And a bit of dribbling under control.


I'm pleasantly surprised by Shannon's play so far. You can tell he put some serious work into his off-season. Kudos Shannon. Hope you get to put those skills to use...


PLEASE TELL ME LUKE'S GONNA PLAY TONIGHT!!!

Mark 'I can't wait to take justa to the ASG in LA with me' Medina.... good to know we're on the same wavelength.

I hate this show more than I hate the Celtics. And you all know how much I hate the Celtics.

Has anyone seen that movie "Idiocracy"? It's scary how fast that movie is becoming a reality. Brilliant shows like Arrested Development and The Wire can barely get anyone to watch them, but stick a camera in front of a bunch of sex-crazed cretins and somehow it's a hit TV show.

Vomit.

Ok, stepping down from the soapbox...

Only 5 days remain until the regular season. Can't wait!

justanothermambafan,

you wrote: you only get an 'amen' from me if you start posting more often like you used to. What's going on?

my response: just letting the "sacred cows" of the blog have it their way.

not exactly the algonquin roundtable are they?

Puddle - nothing is lowlier than the green team from the east that will not be named. Nothing.

A bunch of 15-minutes-of-famers can't even amount to 1/1,000,000th of the contempt I have for McHale alone. He's owed a bat to the head for that ish he pulled with Kurt almost 20 years ago.

Get your priorities straight! You've got to hate them more than some stupid TV show, right?

hobbit - don't pout. We need you, and the intelligent arguments you add to the mix. It's not the same around here without a lengthy, scroll-worthy debate going on LOL!!! Just kidding, my friend. The season is almost upon us. Get your heiney in gear, ok?!!

Hobbit - in honor of the Jersey TV Morons..
Jezz who dyou tink you callin' a cow? (said with right index finger in the air and head moving independently of any other part of the body)

Sumbody wid hairy feet like dat got no place ta tuok...

JR

justa - "Can someone - MM - please tell Pau about these places they have called 'gyms' where you can go and do a thing called 'lift weights'. Please."

Yeah, I've been asking about this as well. The one year he tried weights (which he claimed he'd never really used before), it seemed to help him. With all the steroid using in sports (as professional athletes try to gain an edge, since all of them are at such a high level to begin with by definition), you'd think someone like Pau would want to gain an advantage in a legal way: lift weights, power up a little. He doesn't have to go all body-builder, but his upper body is fairly scrawny, and it CAN help to add a little bulk. It won't effect his skills or his quickness or his agility, and yet... it does seem like nuthin's goin' on. Though I'm not there monitoring him, so what do I know.

You see Kobe, Fish, Artest keep their bodies in superb shape (even to Ron Ron controlling his weight for advantages on speed without giving up strength), you'd think Pau would apply their knowledge a little.

63 Footer - yeah... Pau & the seeming unknowable weights...


It's a mystery, wrapped in a riddle, embedded in a conundrum...

Hobbitmage -

I'd like to see you post here more often. And if I remember correctly from our past interactions, I need to pick your brain about a few things.

ChicNstu -

I've actually never seen an episode of that show in my life. I can imagine how awful it is if you hate that more than the Celtics

Utz - Happy Birthday to you sir!

Justa - Hope you're having a good Thursday so far.

JAMF,

I think Gasol's ability to run the floor makes up for his lack of strength. How many big men can run the floor like he does? He's like a gazelle, his long strides has its effect on players during 4th qtr play. And his offense skill is superior than most post players in the league.

Cali,

I have never seen a full episode of JS. All i could stomach was 5 minutes.

MTV is BS if you ask me. Not the MTV of the 80's that's for shure

As much as I'd like to see Pau be a little more powerful under the basket - I just look at it like PJ's coaching. Why tinker with what's working?

Does MTV still show anything M related anymore? Except for their crappy VMA's?

Hiya Cali!! Doing good right now, but it will be ever so much better in a few hours when tip-off happens!


Hope all's well in England, my friend!! And by the way - it sure can't be rainier there than it is here right now. I thought it never rained in Southern California???


:)


ChicNstu / htj -


I agree with what you both are saying about Pau. He's fast and everything he's doing is working.


BUT - be honest - don't you want to see him add a little muscle to that slender frame so he doesn't get pushed around as much under the rim? Come on. Tell me the truth. You know you do!


:)


Pau's skills are without peer.. but I'm with justa on this one.. the skills would be enhanced if the arms didn't look so much like fettuccini...

my response: just letting the "sacred cows" of the blog have it their way.
Posted by: hobbitmage | October 21, 2010 at 01:28 PM
*
WTH!!! GOD!@#$%$%%^%^ Do you know who you are? You are Hobbit Freakin Mage!!! What is this garbage "just letting the sacred cows have their way" MAKE THEM OBEY HobbitMage! MAKE THEM OBEY!!!

a lil muscles never hurts..lol

*________________________________________________________*
utzworld THE BANNER HOLDER, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! - BANDWAGON
*________________________________________________________*
(01) ZAIRA AMATERASU - GODDESS - Happy happy birthday Utz!!!
(02) JEFE101 - OWNER - Happy Birthday Utz!!!
(03) COFM99 - DRIVER - I second that - Happy Birthday Utz
(04) #4 – RIDING SHOTGUN- 3rd That - Happy birthday Utz
(05 MAMBA24 - - I 4th that - Happy Birthday utz
(06) SEGEBOY/SHERIFF -SHERIFF - 5th that - Happy Birthday Utz
(07) PHRED - 6th that - Happy Birhtday Utz
(08) RICK FRIEDMAN - 7th that - Happy Birthday Utz
(09) JON K. - 8th - Happy Birthday Utz
(10) LAKERLASS - Happy Birthday Utz
(11) CHRISITNA H. - Happy Birthday utz
(12) LAKERTOM - Happy Birthday utz
(13) LEWSTRS - utzworld - THE BANNER HOLDER -My St. Louis brother...
ENJOY your day today...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztoSUhbNntQ
(14) IHEARTBK24 - Happy B-day Utz...hugs to you!!!
(15) 63 FOOTER - Happy B-Day utz - and Manny, Moe and Jaaaaack!Oh, and fourth best bar band EVAH (even if I'm the only guy who might consider them a bar band):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZzhQXG7OfY&feature=related
(16) J24(LADYJEM24) - Happy Birthday Utz!
(17) MAGIC PHIL - very busy here.....But I need to come here to say Happy Birthday Utz!!!
(18) CAP’S GOOGLES - UTZ!!! Happy Birthday Banner Holder! May you have many more years of Banner Holding for our beloved WORLD CHAMPION LOS ANGELES LAKERS!!!
(19) EASTCOASTJESSIE – Happy Birthday utz
(20) LAKERTOM - Add me to Utz’s Happy Birthday Bandwagon. A Banner Holder’s Birthday, Utz.
(21) JOLLY RANCHER - Happy Birthday Utz!
(22) FAN OF THE MAMBA - Happy Birthday UTZ- may the banner holder live forever!
(23)CHIC N STU - Happy Birthday Utz.
(24) CALIPHILOSOPHER - Utz - Happy Birthday to you sir!
(25)

Mamba24,

Glad you're here and strong as ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QeJDiDvTEE&feature=fvw

JERSEY SHORE...THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!

A big game-day group hug to the Laker blog fam!

justa: great rundown above, agree with it all. ShamWOW has definitely put work on his shooting, it shows. To me though, the most pleasant surprise was the amount of game that Barnes has shown, his work and movement off the ball, how he scrambles to get into the mix on rebounds, and of course his tenacity. I knew he'd be feisty, but Blake??

LOVE the commitment the Laker newbies have shown from day one. Another round of props gotta go out to Mitch, coming off 3-straight Finals appearances, these tough-nosed guys are EXACTLY the type of back-down-from-nothing type personalities that the Lakers needed to bring in, the team will have a 10-feet bulls eye right on it all season.

Kind of reminds me of the showtime Lakers bringing in the man Luke Walton was named after, Maurice Lucas, to add some muscle when needed.

Speaking of which, wouldn't it be nice to see Luke get some playing time tonight, in front of his hometown San Diego fans?

- - -

63 Footer: I agree about Pau maybe needing to bulk up more like he did in '08, he does look scrawny compared to those other Lakers. He is pretty wiry, but the added muscles wouldn't affect his running, especially if it's upper body work he mostly does.

However if it does start to affect his shooting touch, then I'd take a scrawnier good-shooting Pau to a bulked up bricklayer...


GO LAKERS!!!!!

Only 5 hours til gametime!

Happy B-Day Utz! The OFFICIAL Chaplain of the Laker Blog!!!!

happy day Rev. Utz

ChicNstu - the two aren't mutually exclusive: a little extra upper-body strength will not cut down on his speed... just look at Ursan Bolt (or any of the great sprinters of the last 40 years since Bob Hayes).

htj - PJ tinkers all the time, as does Kobe, or anyone that wants to continue their excellence. I also think that strength is something Pau will have control over (along with footwork) as he gets along with years and can offset any diminishing athleticism. Look at Wilt: long and lanky in the beginning, a behemoth by the end.

Pau doesn't even have to do that much, but scrawny... he can do better than scrawny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QeJDiDvTEE&feature=fvw
Posted by: ChicNstu | October 21, 2010 at 02:11 PM
*
CRANK IT UP CHICNSTU!!!!!! YES!!!~LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!!!!!


Posted by: MAMBA24 |

Rick - my BFF - where you at?


JERSEY SHORE? WHO ARE THESE TRAMPS!!!!!

ChicNstu - I just heard a block of cars on my car radio. Cool!

ChicNstu - that's a good one for pre-game!

Laissez les bons temps roulez....

.... or something like that....


:)


Only 5 hours til gametime! Posted by: CyberCosmiX | October 21, 2010 at 02:13 PM
*
YES!!!! But even better, only 5 days to the Regular season!!!!

Hobbit - feel free to poke away at Tom's Bynum love. Your exchanges are some of the funniest things on this blog.

I mean I skip all of the 1,000 word statistical explanations of why Bynum really sucks and we're a better team without him, but I figured that's my right. I've got the attention span of a 7 year old, and I can't even get through the roll call without being distracted by something shiny. I just throw those diatribes out there into the "lies, damn lies, and statistics" category and judge Bynum's value by the overall success of the team with Bynum at 30%.

I like Bynum and just want to see him have a injury-free year just like a diehard fan like yourself should. But don't let one or two people let you, your awesome Laker fandom, and vast basketball knowledge get bullied off the blog because you've got an opinion that won't be swayed.

As long as you don't turn into Mike T., there's no reason you shouldn't be posting with your usual frequency.

Justa - yes I already said I'd like to see a mas fuerte Pau on the block, but not if it sacrifices other parts of his game.

If it ain't broke . . .

justa and cali - I agree with you that Pau could bulk up a little bit more, but it's not like he doesn't lift weights. After the 2008 Finals, he lifted more because of that soft tag he got and because Boston seemed to push him around. He's mentioned a few times during the past year that he's more cognizant of lifting but he doesn't want to bulk up just for the sake of it. His fear is that if he adds any pounds of muscle, the fluidity that makes his game so great might worsen because of it

MM

63 footer,

I agree 100%.

Like CyberCosmicx pointed out, it may effect his mechanics to some degree.

What, no Snookie? Posted by: htj | October 21, 2010 at 12:53 PM
*
Come on HTJ, haven't you figured it out by now? Snookie is not there because it is basketball season and...Princess Jimmy is Snookie!!. Yes, Yes, Yes! It is true! I know many of you are saying, Mamba24 have you lost your mind, and yes that is a valid question. Yesterday Yes, Today No, Tomorrow Maybe. But right now, I tell you one and all, Princess Jimmy is Snookie!!!

MM - if Pau's worried, I understand... but I'm not buying it. It think it's the "magic feather" excuse. Don't see Kobe's shot getting worse for strength training. Still, it's his career... he just looks more scrawny this year than last year.

63 Footer - I agree with you. I'm just saying we've asked him this before, and this is where his point of view stands.

Also, there's a new post up. Just some news: Lakers have waived Trey Johnson and Drew Naymick

LMAO.
Princess Jimmy is Snookie? That explains everything!

The cast of Jersey Shore should be banned from ALL Lakers games in the future.
Posted by: ChicNstu | October 21, 2010 at 01:10 PM
*
ROTFLMAO!!!! You're a hater ChicNStu!! Those marvelously talented individuals most of them went to Juliard!!!! LMAO!!

We are all a little dummer for even knowing who those beings are that make up the cast of "Jersey Shore." They have proven to me, and the world, that devolution is happening at an alarming rate.

As for Pau, yes he could definately benefit from adding some upper body muscle considering he might have to battle Shaq, Perkins, and Jermaine O'neal in the Finals. then again, if the Meat make it, then he won't need that added bulk as much.

We are all a little dummer for even knowing who those beings are that make up the cast of "Jersey Shore." They have proven to me, and the world, that devolution is happening at an alarming rate.Posted by: mclyne | October 21, 2010 at 02:38 PM
*
OH SWEET JESUS!!! LMAO!!!!

Caught the T.Ocho show yesterday, T.O. had a great line, "Snookie's had too many cookie's" LOL

@ Puddle - I LOVED Idiocracy! You're right, that movie is totally coming to fruition in real life - it's so sad. The fact that Jersey Shore is such a big hit is all you have to know about where this planet is heading. Thank goodness we still have the Buss Family, Mitch Kupchak, PJ (for the time being), Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers to fall back on! GAME DAY! (even though it's preseason)... Who gets the start at the 2 spot if Kobe sits (which I think he will) - UPS or THE MACHINE??? Inquiring minds want to know!

don't waste your energy hating JS. there are more important "things" to hate. remember this is still la and i doubt it would not make any difference to those dim bulbs what "hot" la scene they were going to. it could have been an accident on la brea as long as there were photographers present. as for pau, he doesn't have a mesomoroph (?) bodytype and he does have such a high center of gravity, so getting more muscle, i think will help more in his legs more than anyplace else

this is the best Snookie has ever looked:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcBDS6Fkw0k

There is a rumour, that if Princess Jimmy wins the MVP this year he will reveal to the world that... he is SNOOKIE!!!

this is the best Snookie has ever looked: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcBDS6Fkw0k Posted by: mclyne | October 21, 2010 at 02:48 PM
*
Stop this! Stop this I say! LMAO!!!!!!

*________________________________________________________*
utzworld THE BANNER HOLDER, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! - BANDWAGON
*________________________________________________________*
(01) ZAIRA AMATERASU - GODDESS - Happy happy birthday Utz!!!
(02) JEFE101 - OWNER - Happy Birthday Utz!!!
(03) COFM99 - DRIVER - I second that - Happy Birthday Utz
(04) #4 – RIDING SHOTGUN- 3rd That - Happy birthday Utz
(05 MAMBA24 - - I 4th that - Happy Birthday utz
(06) SEGEBOY/SHERIFF -SHERIFF - 5th that - Happy Birthday Utz


(22) FAN OF THE MAMBA - Happy Birthday UTZ- may the banner holder live forever!
(23)CHIC N STU - Happy Birthday Utz.
(24) CALIPHILOSOPHER - Utz - Happy Birthday to you sir!
(25) NOAH - happy day Rev. Utz
(26) CYBERCOSMIX - Happy B-Day Utz! The OFFICIAL Chaplain of the Laker Blog!!!!

Awww MM, this is kinda disappointing. If you post something like this during the regular season, I will hold it against you! For now I say keep up the hard work feeding our need for the LakeShow. Prost!

Happy Birthday UTZ!

Did anyone see the South Park Jersey Shore episode? Fawkin Hilarious.

*________________________________________________________*
utzworld THE BANNER HOLDER, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! - BANDWAGON
*________________________________________________________*
(01) ZAIRA AMATERASU - GODDESS - Happy happy birthday Utz!!!
(02) JEFE101 - OWNER - Happy Birthday Utz!!!
(03) COFM99 - DRIVER - I second that - Happy Birthday Utz
(“

((26) CYBERCOSMIX - Happy B-Day Utz! The OFFICIAL Chaplain of the Laker Blog!!!!
(27) ANDTHE JELLOS JIGGLIN - Happy Birthday UTZ!

@AndTheJellosJigglin

Don't be so hard on MM, a good laugh is always a good thing in the middle of a work day! :)

At least Mamba and I got a few good ones out of it.

Almost forgot- HAPPY BIRTHDAY UTZ!!!!!

Mine's tomorrow.

Like Kobe, I got "The Condition"

As much as that show is a detriment to our culture, "Sasha Vujacic: The Prince of Paramus" is perfect haha.

Meet Local Single Friends and Let Us Do The Work - You Just Lunch and enjoy http://bit.ly/awhBi8


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