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Los Angeles Zoo employees compare Kobe Bryant's play to various animal behaviors

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Beyond the usual, "I'm fine," "It's OK," and "It is what it is," statements Lakers guard Kobe Bryant typically makes regarding his injuries, he recently added an extra wrinkle. "I feel like a gazelle," he said Monday when he knew for sure he was going to return to the lineup after missing the previous five games because of a left ankle sprain and sore tendon.

He'll still be known as the Black Mamba in the minds of Lakers fans, but Bryant's "gazelle" comment raised questions (at least in my mind) as to what other animals could rightfully be associated with Bryant.

I'm by no means an animal expert, and the grades in my biology classes prove it. But I figured I'd contact people who are to lend their insight. Los Angeles Zoo spokesperson Jason Jacobs provided me a rundown on the different behaviors of certain animals and Dana Brown, director of human resources at the L.A. Zoo and a Lakers fan, explained how they are comparable to Bryant's play.  

Tiger: JJ: Tigers have to be self sufficient. They have their own territory and they hunt for themselves. They have to be dependent on themselves. They're camouflaged. No two Tigers striped patterns are alike.  

How Bryant is like a tiger: DB: You don't find a lot of Tigers and you don't find a lot of Kobes. For the solitary animals that Tigers are, Kobe, while popular and widely recognizable, he's not really all that social. You don't see him on the social scene. He's not the most social person there is. He is sort of predatory. He's slow and calculating and then he jumps at it.

Mambas: JJ: Mambas are venomous species of snakes found in Africa. There's two types. The green mamba and the black mamba. They are very fast snakes and very deadly. When you deal with them in a zoo situation, you take every safety precaution to transfer them. Black mambas are the largest venomous snakes in Africa and their average length is around eight to nine feet. Some can exceed 12 feet. 

How Bryant is like a mamba: DB: He is definitely one of the most deadly players out there. When Kobe is in the game, somebody is going down.

Gazelles: JJ: They're related to antelopes. They're not heavy bodied animals. They're very fast. They're oftentimes what you see on National Geographic documentaries being chased down by a cheetah. They're thin, tall, fast and graceful.

How Bryant is like a gazelle: DB: His gracefulness. I would liken it to the way he handles the ball and the gracefulness with the way he moves down the court. It's very deliberate, yet graceful. When I picture him running down the court and making a finger-roll layup, that's what comes to my mind.

Pronghorn

Pronghorns: JJ: They're the fastest land animal in North America. The type we work with is an endangered species and they live in the Baja Peninsula in Mexico. They can cruise at speeds of 40 to 60 miles per hour for one hour or more.

How Bryant is like a pronghorn: DB: Kobe recognizes his role as a leader on the team. He takes that very seriously and realizes he has to be able to sustain himself for the duration of the game, if need be. I sort of see him pacing himself for the majority of the game. When he needs to turn it up, he's able to do that for however length of time he needs to do it. 

Any wild animal: JJ: In the wild, if you had any injuries, you would have to mask it. The lion preys on the old, the weak and the young and the sick. If you are any of those four in the wild, you easily could become prey to something. Wild animals quite often try to mask any type of injury. They don't want to show any outward signs that a predator can pick up on. If they do, they'll be lunch or dinner.

How Bryant is like a wild animal: DB: When Kobe is talked to about his injuries, he'll usually say, 'He's ready to go now.' He'll say, 'I'm working through it. I'm doing great.' He's giving the outward appearance like a wild animal. He doesn't want people to know that he's injured.

Beaver: JJ: They're building dams. Sometimes when they build dams, it floods other animals out of their houses. The term 'busy as a beaver' is a cliche, but it has some truth to it. They are busy building their dams and stockpiling their food for the winter."

How Bryant is like a beaver: DB: When I think about his work ethic, I think about all of these roles that he plays up to and including of masking his injuries and being there for his teammates and all the preparation he puts in practice and in games. 

Feel free to add your own comparisons in the comments section below.

--Mark Medina

Follow the L.A. Times Lakers blog on Twitter. E-mail the Lakers blog at mgmedin@gmail.com

Photo: A night after hitting the game-winner with mere seconds on the clock, Kobe Bryant missed a potential game-tying shot late in the Lakers' 101-96 loss to the Mavericks on Wednesday night at American Airlines Center. Credit: Matthew Emmons/US Presswire.

Photo: Pronghorn. Credit: Jamie Pham/Los Angeles Zoo.

 
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GREAT POST MARK!

Seriously, after seeing the Mavs last night, a game in which the Lakers played like cr@p, on the road, the 2nd of a back to back, I'm not worried in the least about the Mavs. I only hope they're in the Nuggets bracket come playoff time. If we're lucky, the Mavs knock the Nugs out. The Mavs are a team the Lakers would love to meet in the WCF. Butler or no Butler, the Mavs are no threat at this point. Maybe they'll be better by playoff time.
Denver, that's another story. Sunday's game is big.
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MM, Ask them if they have heard of a Gazamba?
-
Shaq is out for the game, Celts are up on the Cavs. Hmmm.

Shaq is out for the game, Celts are up on the Cavs. Hmmm.

Posted by: Mark G | February 25, 2010 at 06:14 PM

---

I am reminded of Shaq's infamous remark:

"I got hurt on company time, so I'll heal on company time. ..."

Not noted in blog was the comments of Worthy and Hill about Drew's comments.

They said he should never call out refs when Drew said we were playing 5 on 8.

What Hill and Worthy don't like to hear the truth? Dang that is one of the many problems of reffing. They can make or not make calls which affect the game outcome but they are above question?

Heck Kobe gets bump hard on shot attempt and no and one call. Stu noticed it. Drew gets shoved and then called for travel and he questions the call and ref said he didn't see it but called traveling anyways? Of course replay you clearly see shove.

Yup NBA where amazing censorship happens.

Posted by: JustaLakerFan | February 25, 2010 at 05:54 PM

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Not noted in blog was the comments of Worthy and Hill about Drew's comments.

They said he should never call out refs when Drew said we were playing 5 on 8.

What Hill and Worthy don't like to hear the truth? Dang that is one of the many problems of reffing. They can make or not make calls which affect the game outcome but they are above question?

Heck Kobe gets bump hard on shot attempt and no and one call. Stu noticed it. Drew gets shoved and then called for travel and he questions the call and ref said he didn't see it but called traveling anyways? Of course replay you clearly see shove.

Yup NBA where amazing censorship happens.

Posted by: JustaLakerFan | February 25, 2010 at 05:54 PM

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FINDING THE RIGHT BALANCE…
- - - - - - - - - - - -
The Lakers challenge to get their game firing on all cylinders has generated some fascinating responses among the Lakers faithful. The team played so well when Kobe and Drew were injured that some bloggers are actually proposing the Lakers should trade their team leader and bench or trade their promising young center, both moves I don’t think the Lakers make.
-
While only an idiot would consider trading Kobe, some of Phil’s assistant coaches have been lobbying him to start Odom over Bynum. While I don’t think that is the right move to make, I can nevertheless understand why some bloggers would like to see Lamar start. Without a doubt, the team and ball movement is better when Lamar is in the game than when Drew is.
-
I love Lamar and in the right match up he can be as exciting as any player on the team, especially when he is dominating the boards. What’s not to like about him being a starter? He is probably more consistent this year than Drew and plays better with Pau. The ball and players move better without the ball stopping in the post with Drew. It’s a beautiful game.
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The flip side, however, is that most of the time, the ball not only stops with Drew in the post but then goes through the hoop at higher percentage than any other player on the team. Drew’s critics truthfully do not give the young man the credit he deserves. While he has not become the beast I and other envisioned, he has been a solid and at times strong contributor.
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It may take until next year before Drew is fully recovered mentally and physically as with many knee injuries but there are teams where the Lakers dearly need his inside power game, as we clearly saw against the Celtics. Look around the league. Every contender is now bulking up because they know one of the Lakers weaknesses are their physicality.
-
While it will never happen, the move I would like to see the Lakers experiment with would be replacing Derek Fisher in the starting lineup with Lamar Odom. The move would actually make the team faster and better defensively. That’s a lineup that could truly IMPOSE its will on the opponent. That’s the way to get Lamar into the starting lineup while keeping Drew.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
TOM

Repost!

And MM, why so long before my comments posted?
This was fitst of several and the only one to make it through.

Not noted in blog was the comments of Worthy and Hill about Drew's comments.

They said he should never call out refs when Drew said we were playing 5 on 8.

What Hill and Worthy don't like to hear the truth? Dang that is one of the many problems of reffing. They can make or not make calls which affect the game outcome but they are above question?

Heck Kobe gets bump hard on shot attempt and no and one call. Stu noticed it. Drew gets shoved and then called for travel and he questions the call and ref said he didn't see it but called traveling anyways? Of course replay you clearly see shove.

Yup NBA where amazing censorship happens.

Posted by: JustaLakerFan | February 25, 2010 at 05:54 PM


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justalakerafan - not sure what you're referring to, to be quite honest. i approved all the posts today that went through. if there was something that you wrote that for some technical reason didn't go through, feel free to repost and i'll approve it

MM

While it will never happen, the move I would like to see the Lakers experiment with would be replacing Derek Fisher in the starting lineup with Lamar Odom. The move would actually make the team faster and better defensively. That’s a lineup that could truly IMPOSE its will on the opponent. That’s the way to get Lamar into the starting lineup while keeping Drew.
Posted by Laker Tom

Now THAT would be a fun lineup. I wonder why Phil hasn't experimented with it more. I get that Phil likes Lamar off the bench and I get that we have to be concerned about team speed, but DANG, that would be fun.

Jamie Sweet,

interesting post.

you wrote: -Gasol or Bynum, if we fail one will go and my pick is Bynum. Gasol is less of a project and we proved we can win with and Lamar and Gasol in the starting line up. Bynum has struggled since he lost his first wind of the season.

my response: I *want* to agree with you. I'm not sure that I do. It has
nothing to do with it being logical. It has to do with Jimmy Buss. Bynum is
Jimmy Buss' pet project and I don't think he has *ANY* intention of giving
him up. I think what is more likely is that Phil leaves, Kobe leaves and
another coach comes into to make Bynum the focus of the team.

you wrote: -Phil Jackson. If he doesn't win number 11, I don't see him wanting to come back nor do I see the Buss family as determined to bring him back.

my response: I don't think it's him per se. I'd be willing to bet $20 that he
would have traded Bynum for Bosh. My guess is that Jimmy Buss said, "No".
I would guess that PJ would want more control and Jimmy Buss isn't giving
that up. He would be losing to his sister.

you also wrote: -Kobe Bryant. He would instigate any move on his own by either opting out or having Mitch and his agent peruse a sign-and-trade. the only way I see this happening is if we lose in the first two rounds and Kobe blows up at the team again. However, this seems to me unlikely as Kobe can make more with the Lakers than any other team out there.

my response: I think Kobe wants to win more than he wants $$. I don't think
he's forgotten that someone, in the organization, betrayed him a few years
ago. I think Kobe *ACHES* to play with guys who are *DRIVEN* to be
their best. I can see him making less than *max* for the chance to win
multiple championships. Wouldn't that put the final dagger in all of the "ko-me"
crap?

Mark Medina (M2),

Bravo! And I really mean it. A day after a loss always sucks. All I day long (with due respect to all), it's just been the same arguments we always have, repeated over and over with enough spin to create a centrifuge effect. That only makes me even more depressed.

Here you are taking a creative, fresh, clever angle on the Kobe catch-phrases we normally use like bathroom tissue. Bravo! It's original, it's researched, it's informative. It's a welcome break from the replay analysis and our never-ending game of stat vs stat (which is way less fun than Mad Magazine's Spy vs Spy). Bravo!

Thanks for the reminder that being a fan is supposed to be FUN. Yes, FUN!

Is that good gazelle or bad gazelle?

because it is nickname thread, i have to repost

i was reading on a different blog that Brandan Haywood's nickname at UNC was Brenda and after that came out he started to cry. so the big man for the Dallas team r Brenda and Erika/Erica with c or k, depending how kafkian one want to be.

i know that Andrea is a free name to appropriate. the real problem is, will the Celtics give us copyrights for Paula? and if yes, will that come also with wheel -chair for Fisher?

maybe that will help to establish finally the identity of the back-court for thr 2010 wannabe team: Andrea and Paula.

sup everyone

I was too busy at work today to post anything.... I'll have to catch up later. I'm taking a guess here that a lot of the Kobe haters were back out in force? And maybe the trade Bynum for some guy who's tall and a bag of chips people? It wouldn't surprise me... bunch of chicken littles. I was just as irritated at the loss, but really there is no need to throw in the towel. LOL! I do believe a lot of the same things were hashed over last year to the same degree of myopic insanity, and WE WON!!! Chillax peeps - it ain't over yet.

Watching the crabs beat up on the green weeners. I'm going to have to switch the channel cuz I'm feeling decidedly wretched. I want the crabs to lose so we get closer to them for best record, but I want the weeners to lose because I hate them with every fiber of my being. Can't they both lose? Maybe everyone could foul out? AAARRRGGGHHHH. How many times are they going to let the princess drive in to the hoop, offensive fouling all the way, and then bail her out with a call and send her to the line???????? Seriously.


Oh well - back to OUR team.... Game day tomorrow. Let's just take care of business so we can focus on Sunday. I'd really like to see the guys take care of the glass and limit turnovers. They do that and it's all easy breezy...


See you all on the chat tomorrow - hopefully I'll be able to give y'all my 2 cents on the threads tomorrow. I know you're all waiting with bated breath for what nuggets of wisdom will come off my keyboard LOL!!!

GO LAKERS!!!

Nothing but another title will suffice.

OH YEAH - don't forget to VoteForJusta.com - I promise to take lots of pictures of me & MM at the ASG in LA so you'll feel like you were there too. Really - I promise!!

justa - what tells you it's a done deal you're going to next year's ASG? i never said you were in lol

MM

LT and hobbimage,

Exactly, exactly, and a big thanks!

Quick note, Celts looked very slow and very old in the 4th! I know Pierce was out, but they still looked feeble.

Okay, so Shaq sprains a thumb and CAN'T play, perhaps that's why Kobe didn't want to play with him anymore. Shaq should've gone down as the BEST center ever. I think I have to put Russ, Wilt, Akeem and of course Kareem in front of him.

Marky Mark,

Best thread yet. I mean it.

It's important not only for us to have fun, but for you to have fun, too.

What do we play for? RINGS!!!

Lakers Today... Lakers Tomorrow... Lakers Forever.

GO LAKERS!!!

So watching tonight's game between the Cavs and the Celtics was a little like watching a death cage match between a serial killer and a child rapist. I wasn't sure who really to root for.

In any case, I was disappointed.

What do we play for? RINGS!!!!

Lakers Today... Lakers Tomorrow... Lakers Forever.

GO LAKERS!!!

LakerTom,

you wrote: While it will never happen, the move I would like to see the Lakers experiment with would be replacing Derek Fisher in the starting lineup with Lamar Odom. The move would actually make the team faster and better defensively. That’s a lineup that could truly IMPOSE its will on the opponent. That’s the way to get Lamar into the starting lineup while keeping Drew.

my response: *sigh* This has been done. This season. To say this more
clearly, while not in the *starting* lineup, Phil has gone with the
*TALL* lineup and was unimpressed.

December 2009 timeframe.

In reality, the failures of the Bynum-Gasol-Odom alignment in the first 51/2 minutes of the second quarter were the beginning of the end of the Lakers' 11-game winning streak.

The score went from a 25-25 tie to a 44-37 Utah lead before Odom headed to the bench — not exactly the tallest and most talented of his teammates stepping up and winning one for sick, tired and broken-fingered Bryant.

Ron Artest came in for Brown midway through that stretch to make the Lakers even bigger, but Artest's defensive prowess didn't fix anything. In 10 trips down court against Bynum-Gasol-Odom, Utah scored nine times. Twice the Jazz got offensive rebounds and cashed in the possession that way. The only empty trip was Matthews missing a wide-open 3-pointer from the corner after the Lakers all got their feet stuck in the paint.

from ocregister 12.13.2009 Lakers vs. Utah. It doesn't work. odom & drew
are too slow.

LakerTom,

Enough is enough.

If Bynum wasn't Jerry's little son's project he would've been getting chopped down like a tree.

Phil uses only positives and at most neutral remarks with regards to Andrew's game because he knows how fragile he is and how much he means to Jerry's little kid.

If the gloves truly ever came off in the locker room -- Bynum would get roasted worse than turkeys on Thanksgiving.

Just because you made the mistake of inexplicably wagering all your credibility on this kid doesn't mean you have to hammer the blog with these crude analysis.

I would once enjoy reading your posts as a quiet observer but you have jumped off the cliff and fallen off the wagon big time.

Those few folks who used to back your assessments and unadulterated worship of this kid have vanished. The few who remain are fairly new bloggers with similar influence and motives and it wouldn't be the least bit surprising to get IP checks and find out those "Pro-Bynum" folk were in fact, YOU.

We've waited years for this kid to get up speed. The nickname "Beast" has become more of a joke than an actual representation of his game. There is nothing about Bynum that speaks to selflessness and passion. His only understanding of the game lay in the repetitive offensive moves he continually tries in the post to lower and lower percentage gains.

The most fundamental aspect of the Center position is positional defense and rebounding -- attributes your messiah doesn't possess. It makes folks who are 6 foot and under with a true love and passion for the game unhappy and strikes their ire because they know, if given that chance, they would bleed and leave everything on the floor.

Your guys night-in, night-out, walks off the floor as though the world and his teammates and the referee's are all against him for a reason only the zaniest of the cooks could comprehend.

Don't bother to try to attack me with your spell-checker, grammar-correction apparatus, or absolute zany responses in the realm of "you're not a true Laker fan".

You sir, are a Benedict Arnold and the fact is I am incredibly happy that you are in no position of real power. Your leadership qualities are non-existent and though your penmenship is on that of a collegiate level, the integrity behind the views you present are consistently flawed on a fundamental level.

You sir, are a coward, if I may say so and if I may say so explicitly.

I've watched you attack numerous bloggers with utter nonsense for absolutely no reason and again, though you always spell-check your entries and quadruple check your grammar, you time and time again, fall short of putting forward anything substantial.

As a PR specialist in the field, I would ask that you issue a public apology in which you unequivocally state that you were abhorrently wrong on the Andrew Bynum debacle, and personally apologize to every single blogger you have misrepresented, misinformed, mislead, and who's time you down right wasted.

Nothing else will be of any value.


Good Day,

M.

MM - huh??? I thought I was in like flynn.... I mean - I'm the only one actively campaigning here. AND I do believe when I first started said campaign, everyone on the live chat said they'd vote for me. So - what's the problem? You KNOW you want me to go with you. It'll be fun! I'll hold the video camera for you and point it at the players when you go get your beer... ummm... I mean take your bathroom break. Yeah - that's it....


REMEMBER EVERYONE - VoteForJusta.com - you won't be sorry!!

LOL Jon K - "death cage match"... truly.

I felt dirty watching it.


I need to go shower now....

hobbit - agreed - the TALL lineup is decidedly unimpressive. I'd much rather have Socks coming off the bench and LO back in the starting line up. Sorry Laker Tom.... (but I still believe he can become the beast. I'm just not sure he wants to bad enough...) Sorry again Laker Tom... lol :)

And yes, there are indeed grammatical errors in that entry.

Everything is done in one take, with no pauses.

Like the game of Basketball.

Joga Bonito.

Something you know nothing about.


Good Day,

M.

Thriller is eating 95% fish and vegetables.

I love the effort and the heart, I just hope the other 5% is a double-double and a milkshake from In N' Out.

What do we play for? RINGS!!!

Lakers Today... Lakers Tomorrow... Lakers Forever.

GO LAKERS!!!

DJ,

"Okay, so Shaq sprains a thumb and CAN'T play"

Shaq is incredibly physically gifted but he is spiritually a bully and ultimately bullies are wimps. Kick them in the shins and they cry.

What do we play for? RINGS!!!

Lakers Today... Lakers Tomorrow... Lakers Forever.

GO LAKERS!!!

LakerTom,

"While it will never happen, the move I would like to see the Lakers experiment with would be replacing Derek Fisher in the starting lineup with Lamar Odom. The move would actually make the team faster and better defensively."

In all due respect...

1. How will it make the team faster?

2. Why do we want to be "faster" offensively when the Triangle is a half-court offense?

What do we play for? RINGS!!!!

Lakers Today... Lakers Tomorrow... Lakers Forever.

GO LAKERS!!!!

hobbitmage,

"It doesn't work. odom & drew
are too slow."

Odom is not slow. Not at all.

What do we play for? RINGS!!!

Lakers Today... Lakers Tomorrow... Lakers Forever.

GO LAKERS!!!

MM,

You left out the lion analogy: The lion pride hunts as a team but the alpha male eats first.

If they signed Ilgauskas, that would keep him from Cleveland. Plus then they could play the Ilgauskas-Gasol-Bynum-Mbenga-Odom lineup. I mean, just look at the length!! They'd be totally unstoppable - it'd be Fo-Fo-Fo-Fo-Fo-Fo!!!!

The Moderator

five stars or 2 thumbs up. i will say 4 thumbs or 2 each with both hands. and because i'm LOL on the floor, i will add 4 more toes up. it is the most i can do.

actually, without being into conspiracy theories, it is funny that the new aztronut on this blogscape similar with LakerTom had janitorial/custodian jobs in college. and they started a dialogue to reminisce about the cleaning and stinky times.

they both used the word "disingenuous" when attacking hobbit-mage in the past few days.

and maybe the most suspicious parallel or similarity is the fact that months or years ago LakerTom was using at the end of his annoying tirades the formula of JIMOHO something like "just in my own humble opinion". what is nothing new or special and there r many other posters in the blogosphere that r using similar ones.

but in the last few days, surprisingly, aztronut started to end his post with JMTCW and also inserting the IMHO.

there is nothing humble about LkaerTom and aztronut in their patronizing and condescending comments regarding fellow bloggers. but definitely there is a zealotry in defending BYNUM and also in praising each other's comments.

Indeed, Ouch.

There is certainly a "perfect timing" that plays into this.

As soon as the last true blog vet had abandoned the "Beast" bandwagon, we had new bloggers come in with absolute clarity regarding their posts. There was no in-between, no sentiment toward other views, and no half-court in the debate. These "new" bloggers had appeared out of the dark with soaked jerseys and a game-rhythm that surely, only could have come from what else?

An ideology shared with the leading post-maker of the forum.

LakerTom.

Regardles, if true, then the true "Beast" lay inside only the soul of LakerTom -- who pines for something internally yet projects it externally onto AB17.

One can assume that Tom's love and affection for Andrew Bynum is as deep because, beyond being a Laker fan, he is living vicariously through Bynum and it has thus far been a morass for the spirit.

I would suggest this, and I do this sincerely: if living vicariously through a Laker player is the situation you are in, Tom, why not live through Kobe Bryant? Or even Phil Jackson?

Surely, those two heroic and iconic figures would do wonders for your self-esteem and pose a great boost of moral.

If you agree, please let us know. The world waits on your apology.

If the above is not to come of this, then surely, spell-check this for me.

Thank you.

M.

LakerTom's modus operandi:

When the messiah has come into question, or posts regarding the messiah are questioned or dissected, execute the following:

1. Thoroughly spell-check the prose of given blogger for any grammatical errors, major or minute. If found, relentlessly attack blogger as 'below-average' or 'unable to post a valid and concise argument'.

2. Question patriotism. If any blogger even remotely infers that the messiah is not what is being pushed along company lines, then admonish said blogger with repeated questions about Laker loyalty. Ask if they are "fairweather", or if they are old enough to remember when Wilt suited up in purple and gold. Remind bloggers relentlessly of how many seasons one has been witness to. "I have been a Laker fan for life" is an almost certain equalizer. Routinely recount stories of the "olden days" and where one was during Laker signature moments to add to feeling of authenticity.

3. Throw the bait-and-switch. Use smoke screen. Defer from the major issue the blogger talks about to question use of language, bloggers age, his remarks regarding something beside the case in point. This will call into question the character of said blogger and create a credibility gap.

4. If all else fails, state clearly and concisely that there is no conversation to be had. Create a vision of deference by stating that it is "impossible" or "meaningless" to debate with said blogger to appear in position of power. Make repeated posts to increase volume. Drown out the opposition buy simply buying more advertisements and paying for more ads, in a sense.


In worship of the messiah:

1. Watch every game, only focusing on the movements of the messiah. If there is a foul, document referee and keep in journal. If a teammate fails to get the messiah the ball, input entry into log and launch an attack on said player when given a chance. Focus on messiah when he is on the bench, during intro's, and in the endgame. All focus must be on the 'Beast' at all times.

2. Create chasm between players who may potentially take the place or touches of the messiah. Question Pau Gasol's finesse style of play repeatedly. Berate Lamar Odom in a cordial manner and with absolute firmness dismiss Josh Powell, DJ Mbenga, and any and all trade rumours.

3. Purchase Jersey and bobble head figures (when available) yearly, and during the playoffs to boost revenue and merchandise numbers for the messiah.

4. Look toward the moon and envision the face of the messiah as the face of the moon when full. When half-full or less, picture the moon as the messiah doing a dunk or power move.

5. Continue with quest to realize the messiah as the 'Beast' until it happens. If so, one will be rewarded by blog applause. If not, one will be ridiculed to death but will have, if lucky, the opportunity to attend nightclub where messiah will be and, if lucky, collect dollar bills being thrown at clubgoers (must be sure to arrive at club early and fight for early position directly under stage where the messiah will throw the bills).


---

I am telling you, folks, I found LakerTom's manifesto in Andrew Bynum's trash can. You see I was a janitor in college when I...


M.

Jon K - Thanks for the nice feedback. I'm always having fun with all the posts I do. I'll have to admit this was a little outside the box.

MM

MM,

I think it is technical issue ant not you.

Just look at comment #4 and see what came through on blog!

Thanks for the input and reply!

Justa - Hmm thats' weird. Not sure why that happened

MM

Regardless, if true, then the true "Beast" lay inside only the soul of LakerTom -- who pines for something internally yet projects it externally onto AB17.

One can assume that Tom's love and affection for Andrew Bynum is as deep because, beyond being a Laker fan, he is living vicariously through Bynum and it has thus far been a morass for the spirit.

I would suggest this, and I do this sincerely: if living vicariously through a Laker player is the situation you are in, Tom, why not live through Kobe Bryant? Or even Phil Jackson?

Surely, those two heroic and iconic figures would do wonders for your self-esteem and pose a great boost of moral.
Posted by: The Moderator | February 25, 2010 at 10:18 PM

i will try to answer your question: "if living vicariously through a Laker player is the situation you are in, Tom, why not live through Kobe Bryant? Or even Phil Jackson?"

actually LakerTom was not a Lakers Fan. at the beginning of his NBA fan career he was a big fan of ONLY of Wilt Chamberlain. he was a FAN of ANY team that Wilt played for. and yes finally Wilt played for the Lakers and he became a Lakers Fan. ( we know this from his repeated soliloquies typically written in 4 and later 6 paragraphs over the years).

so basically LakerTom was a FAIR-WEATHER fan of every team Wilt played. that's why he is THE ONE that projects on "some" bloggers as being fair-weather fans.

the Wilt era ended and later maybe it was Kareem and in chronological order we have Snaq. obviously if one is a big Snaq fan, it is very hard to be a big Kobe fan. between the 2 it was always the "black and white" choice that actually LakerTom accuses conveniently hobbit regarding his posts (You, hobbit, you don't know/have gray area).

and now because Snaq is not available, the next in line to the messiah throne will be Andrew Bynum.

NO, he can not live vicariously through Kobe or PJ.

let's not forget that LakerTom is also obsessively reminding us of his hight: 5'-9" the same as his nephew that he is coaching as BB player. looks like the Gene Fairy was not very generous for a BB career. and maybe that's why he developed a "BB Napoleon complex". i guess it is hard to have self-esteem BB wise when one is ONLY 5'-9" and has a (let me be PC) hight challenge. maybe that's why his obsession with 7 footers.

Napoleon had his Waterloo and looks like LakerTom's Waterloo is A. Bynum.

MM,

No worries.

Also I just checked and about 4 other comments did not go through. But I am too tired to look back and rewrite LOL.

I think issue has resolved itself asthese comments are going through fine.

I'll chime in later and just noting I had one disagreement with one blogger and support for 3 others. Kudos was for Calisophospher (sp) ChicknStu, and Astronut.

Staples24 or whoever asked about enjoying the Lakers with or without Kobe more.

And to those who say it's not about Kobe but the Lakers

The Lakers have been and will always be about SUPERSTARS
GEORGE MIKAN, ELGIN BAYLOR, JERRY WEST, WILT CHAMBERLAIN, KAREEM ABDUL JABBAR, MAGIC JOHNSON, SHAQUILLE ONEAL, KOBE BRYANT.
Arguably the best of the best. There were a few years when these superstars were not on the Lakers at one time or another and the Lakers were not relevant. I REPEAT, NOT RELEVANT. Heck, the Lakers were almost irrelevant when Kareem was on the team until Magic came along.
My point is this, though it was interesting to watch the team hustle and play defense without Kobe, without KOBE THE SUPERSTAR, the team is not relevant.
Whether you are a lover or hater, Kobe is the headliner. He's an Angel and the Devil. An enigma? He had the world at his feet and gave it away one fateful night.
Without Kobe, who will we talk about? Lamar, Gasol, Bynum?
Without Kobe on the Lakers who could impact our Laker world like he does?
14 years and counting, we have all shared his triumphs and failures. Who hasn't yelled at that TV for him to pass the ball and then turn around celebrate the confidence he has in his game that no other player possesses.

Give me Kobe because the Lakers are about Superstars and without Kobe there is no relevancy.

Wanted to add to a thought lakeshowinphx made at the end of the last blog, about the Kam bros. I don't want to pile on them because they did a nice job here, but it had in the couple months before they left become ego-driven and became at times tedious to read, although their stuff was usually funny. Again, don't want to dog-pile on them, I just want to say I've resumed reading this daily after steering clear for a while before they left. Again, nothing against them but nice job Mark Medina.

Mark G: Gazamba? That must be some weird looking animal!

Jon K: Interesting analysis of Shaq, "Shaq is incredibly physically gifted but he is spiritually a bully and ultimately bullies are wimps. Kick them in the shins and they cry."
I always looked at Shaq as a big softie, but thinking back I do agree he had a bully side to him. There were some players he really delighted in 'punishing', like Arvydas Sabonis for instance. That's why it was GREAT in that first Bynum-Shaq matchup when he was with the Heat that Bynum immediately retaliated with that awesome spin move to the basket after Shaq had that putback dunk over him. Bynum showed that he wouldn't be bullied or intimidated, from that moment on I really took a liking to Bynum and respected his game a lot more.

LakerTom/hobbitmage: I remember I think it was '06 when Phil brought Scottie Pippen in to work with L.O. in training camp to try to help mold him into a point-forward, similar to Pippen was with the Bulls. That didn't work at all. L.O. though is so versatile it COULD work on the offensive end, but it would prove to be a disaster on the defensive end as the same type of quick point guards that Fisher has trouble containing would absolutely kill L.O. I really like what L.O. brings coming off the bench, he has accepted the role and thrived. He's such an unselfish distributor that he is perfect for the triple-post, he rebounds, he can hit an outside shot and can slash his way to the hoop, and he IS quick for his size. His versatility though is perfect for the bench mob, he usually closes out close games with the starters anyways. Phil knows what he is doing, he's got the right starting lineup out there and he is very good at using his bench correctly. Sure, we can nitpick but overall Phil is doing his usual excellent job coaching this team...

Jon K,

re: Odom & slow.

Odom *IS* slow compared to other SG's & PG's not named D-Fish.
The complaint from Dec. 09 is we were getting beat in transition
defense. Every time a SG or PG got matched against LO they would
run past him.

Drew was suffering a number of maladies at the time & therefore
was not a strong defensive C. [ LakerTom, is that factually correct? ]

Phil's own words were "I'm not impressed." I believe. We have actually
spoken about it on this blog for a couple of years. It started when Mitch
picked up Ariza.

I don't know, I would probably be pretty arrogant if roughly 4/5 of any given thread was composed of guys who spend more time rooting for me to be wrong and composing random conspiracy theories about me than actually cheering for the Lakers. Oh, and apparently you guys study the guy so much you should apply for a Ph D. in LakerTomology or something.

Sure, I think I would enjoy reading LakerPangloss more if he spent a little less time worrying about other bloggers and more time writing about the Lakers. I actually read him, though, and enjoy it. I spend less time reading seventeen pages of meaningless stat babble.

Oh, and it would be pretty silly to invent an entirely new handle like 'the adjucator' or whatever just to attack one guy. I can totally agree with y'all there. Of course, if LP was really aztronut, I would have to guess that it was modesty more than anything which prevented him from owning up to the name, as aztronut is one of the more intellectually equipped posters on here.

Oh, and mage, you should thank LakerTom. Frankly, you write a lot better than you used to, and I suspect that your desire to argue with him more successfully is one of the root causes of your improvement. I actually try to read most of your stuff, even if I usually have enough spare time to read either your posts or the entire rest of the comments on the thread. : )

anyhoo, moderator, get a real name and welcome to the blog, although I doubt I could discourage you even if I wanted to.

Pangloss, keep up the good work. I enjoyed reading your comments today, which of course I think is now yesterday, but you know what i mean. Much love.

and I would really hope one or more of you guys would actually read this all caps little thing at the bottom for once.

IT IS ALL ABOUT THE LOVE

GO LAKERS!

oh, and I think i might have done it again. 'meaningless stat babble' was not meant to describe anything any particular blogger has written recently, it was meant merely as a nod to a general tendency of sports analysis ahem *endless debate over teeny weeny nuances of particular players that really never really goes anywhere *cough that occasionally creeps up on some of us here. I do appreciate statistical analysis and indeed many of the analysis featured here is quite good.

or much of the analysisese posted here are quite good, or something like that. it's 5 am here.

FCM- great stuff, my compliments to Jason Jacobs and Dana Brown.

Of course, it would be very tempting to keep on this train of thought. 'Kobe Bryant is like Southern Reticulated Foyer Chipmunk, in that he spends many hours carefully assembling his nest and flaring his wattles to distract predators on the veldt.'

'Kobe Bryant is like the Great Scandicanadian Moose, in that he has wide flaring antlers and has written a brilliant dissertation on the work of obscure Dutch impressionist Dand Piddleschwark.'

man, this is too fun.

did I mention it's 5 am?

I'm glad Artest cares enough to change his diet and lose the weight.

I propose a game here at the Lakers blog. Enough stats & posturings.

Let's put some skin in the game!

[ Jeanette, Faith, Lakergurl & Zaira y'all are welcome, but ... I don't want you to
take this the wrong way. Or maybe you should. *grin* ]

Let's play for units of pride.

Are you pro Bynum? If he scores 6 pts in the 1st quarter + 2 units.
If he picks up 5 rebounds in the 1st quarter + 5 units.
If he gets called for traveling in the 1st quarter -2 units.
If he picks up two fouls in the 1st quarter -5 units.

Are you pro D-Fish? If he makes 3 shots in the 1st quarter + 5 units.
If he misses 3 shots in the 1st quarter - 5 units.
If the opposing pg scores 10 in the 1st quarter -5 units.
If D-Fish takes a charge + 3 units.

Do y'all see where I'm going? Are you a man/woman of conviction?
[ note: I wanted to say: Stick out your chest, but .... lol ]
Do you *really* want to see what our team is doing or just sit back and
postulate with glass of Zin?

I think that if we start playing for units of pride based upon how often Kobe
passes, D-Fish clanks, Pau does or does not rebound, Bynum does or does
not rebound etc. etc. etc . We'll know whether or not our guys are playing
with "effort" and maybe some of the "disingenuous" sniping [ yes, LakerTom
I'm talking to you. ] will go away.

If we do this, I think we should do this for every game heading into the
playoffs. I also wonder if MM can tell the players about it during his
next interview. Fortune favors the bold and I want a parade this year!

So Shaq injured his significant thumb? Which one is that? Is that like a significant other?

Napoleon had his Waterloo and looks like LakerTom's Waterloo is A. Bynum.

Posted by: ouchhhhhhhhh | February 25, 2010 at 11:40 PM


I often wondered about that battle. I mean, a giant sinkhole opens up on the morning of the battle and swallows a whole army. That's pretty crazy, and one wonders if there wasn't a big UFO hovering in the clouds with one of those anti-soil/ anti-Napoleon laser beams.


Wes

The Moderator,

"As a PR specialist in the field, I would ask that you issue a public apology in which you unequivocally state that you were abhorrently wrong on the Andrew Bynum debacle, and personally apologize to every single blogger you have misrepresented, misinformed, mislead, and who's time you down right wasted."

Who peed in your Cheerios?

Not only do you come off as incredibly uptight and self-righteous, but downright insane. If you are actually a public relations specialist (which I severely doubt), I feel sorry for your clients.

What do we play for? RINGS!!!

Lakers Today... Lakers Tomorrow... Lakers Forever.

GO LAKERS!!!!

CyberCosmiX,

"I always looked at Shaq as a big softie, but thinking back I do agree he had a bully side to him."

Remember when Shaq threw a haymaker at Brad Miller WHEN MILLER'S BACK WAS TURNED TO HIM? I'm sorry, but Laker Great or not, that simply was not cool and downright cowardly.

What do we play for? RINGS!!!!

Lakers Today... Lakers Tomorrow... Lakers Forever.

GO LAKERS!!!!

He's a mountain lion. If he senses any other male mountain lion in the area, he will do everything in his power to drive that other one out, so that they have dominance in that area.

hey, What do we play for? rings!!!


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