Luck of the Lakers
Happy St. Patty's Day to all! Hope everybody has some big plans for the evening, and remembers to be smart and safe in their quest to drown themselves in green brew. The Lakers will be battling it out in New Jersey tonight, probably killing any chances of a wild night getting their Irish on. But if they had the night off (and a subsequent night off to recover), maybe some guys on the team would be up for a holiday featuring an Irish car bomb or three (for those who don't know the drink, take a shot of Baileys and Irish whiskey, drop it in a half filled Guinness, then slam the whole thing. Yummy!). So here's the riddle. If you could pick one Laker to party with during tonight's festivities, who would it be?
You gotta think about this carefully, though, because this decision will shape your entire bar hopping experience. Let's drop a little insight, shall we?
To the Kobe zealots out there automatically jumping at the chance to hang with their hero, I just have one thing to say: Pick again. Nothing against Kobe, but he's a pretty serious dude. That's not a bad thing, per say. It's just not a fun thing. Not to mention, he's got to be on his absolute best (i.e. most boring) behavior whenever he's in public, because a million eyes, paparazzi lenses, and gossip reporters will be watching his every move. Doesn't sound like the recipe for "Instant party: Just add Murphy's" to me. I don't picture him as the ideal running mate on March 17th.
I love the sight of a drunken seven footer as much as the next guy. But if you choose Andrew Bynum, you're gonna spend the whole night trying to get him into various bars. And there's no way in hell you can sneak that guy past a door guy and keep him on the down low. What's he supposed to do, blend in with all the other fellas sporting eleven foot wingspans? Socks is my boy, but he's out. Along these lines, Sasha may be 22 with valid ID, but the guy still won't get served anywhere. Not his fault that he looks 15, but Sasha is gonna have to sit this one on the sidelines.
Devean George is too inconsistent. You have no idea if he's gonna bring his A-game that night or not. Similar to March Madness, this decision is "one and out." Can't risk that on Devean. Same logic applies to Smush (although he still keeps that Habitat for Humanity hammer with him at all times, meaning we'd be set if any drunken moron tries messing with us). Even Lamar Odom, playing brilliantly at the moment, makes you wonder if he'll approach the party passively or aggressively. It's tempting to covet LO's unique versatility, so necessary when it comes to the dreaded mixing of beer and hard liquor, but you want to eliminate question marks before setting out for the night. Lamar's tempting, but ultimately too risky a choice.
Kwame will drop every beer you buy him. Do you really have the cash to blow replacing all his drinks? He's cut.
If Von Wafer treats beer like shot attempts, he's gonna grab every pint within a ten mile radius. Dude's gonna be passed out by 10 o'clock. That's no good.
I don't know jack about JJ, McKie or Devin Green.
Under normal circumstances, Chris Mihm would be a strong choice. He's a Texas kid. Texans like to party (albeit often a little too loudly). The fact that he's a Longhorn alum also signals he can hold his own in that department. Unfortunately, he's also on crutches, which sucks in a bar (I spent my 21st on crutches and it was a pain in the ass). Plus, with all those wet spots on the ground from drink spillage, the guy's likely to wipe out and hurt that ankle even more. The team needs him back ASAP. Thus, Mihm gets the night off.
Cook also attended a party school (Illinois) but seems a little too key for this mission. Maybe he's living a double life I don't know about, but my gut says you can do better.
I seriously debated Ronny Turiaf. Nobody on this team seems like more fun. But if I'm concerned about Mihm's ankle, I gotta be nervous about a guy coming off heart surgery. Yeah, he's playing NBA ball now, so you'd think it would be a non-issue. But in the world of serious partying, you just never know what a few too many Bushmills shots can do. Therefore, Turiaf receives runner up, "on call" status.
Which leaves me with my winner...
Luke Walton.
I took the time to break down the roster for the sake of doing things right, but I was pretty sure from the outset Walton would be the man. He's pretty much the ideal guy. Grew up in San Diego. They certainly know how to party in beach country. He attended Arizona. One of the biggest party schools in the universe. I've heard enough female chatter to know that the ladies like them some Luke Walton. I'll happily be this cat's wing man and take his "I'll settle for the low rent journalist" scraps. I can do a pretty good impression of his old man, which I imagine would be good for a 3:30 a.m. drunken chuckle. And how cool would it be to walk into a bar and hear a huge "LUUUUUUUUKE" upon entry? Where's the down side? Sounds like a plan to me.
So there you have it? Did I hit this one on the head or do you take issue with my logic? Let's hear it.
Have fun tonight.
AK
I am gonna party with Phil Jackson. The guy is making tons of money right now so It wouldnt be hard for him to pay for my beer. Plus I will get to chill with his sexy gf.
Posted by: Sunny | March 17, 2006 at 01:14 PM
I'm gonna party with Phil over at the Harbor Room in Playa del Rey. That would be sweet.
I suggest everyone release their inner Irishman tonight.
I'll be rooting for the Lakers at Scotland Yard in the Valley. A great pub.
Go Lakers!
Posted by: Jon Kavulic | March 17, 2006 at 01:23 PM
How to define the second half of the season for the Lakers? They have not won more than two games in a row since the All-Star break. They also have not lost more than two games in a row since the All-Star break. It has been a long and elusive search for momentum, one that will continue for the Lakers as they open a three-game road trip tonight against New Jersey. "The real difficulty," Lakers coach Phil Jackson said, "is when teams get weighed down with the losing, the winning, the losing, the winning, this roller-coaster disappointment that comes along without ever getting a winning streak of five or six games."
Posted by: Sunny | March 17, 2006 at 01:24 PM
What about LO?
Originally I thought Turiaf...then when you were like...he just came off heart surgery...I was like der! Oh Yea!
So maybe LO, or Slava...cause he has no job now so he'd probably fun to get drunk with. lol
Posted by: Faith | March 17, 2006 at 01:24 PM
Andrew, I think you're dead on. Luke would be the man.
Posted by: Michael A | March 17, 2006 at 01:27 PM
I'd be more apt to try and hook up with Lamar and consumer some of that other sort of green that's not really tied to the Irish, but more to the Jamaicans.
Ooh, that reminds me, gotta change the water in the bong before the game tonight.
Posted by: Kevin McK | March 17, 2006 at 01:29 PM
i'd be down with Lamar...but unfortunately, i'd want to spark a doobie and that would be detrimental to the team cuz of his previous warnings...
Posted by: bayarealakerfan | March 17, 2006 at 01:34 PM
Lamar for sure. might not drink too much, but will definitely be exposed to some other green stuff. o_O
Posted by: the Lamar Show | March 17, 2006 at 01:38 PM
hahahaha. kevin said bong
Posted by: the Lamar Show | March 17, 2006 at 01:39 PM
Bill Bertka,
He knows where the bodies are buried....
Posted by: Chris Benwin | March 17, 2006 at 01:43 PM
You killed it with the LUUUUUKE chant when you walk in the bar, but I'm gonna go with LO. He's from NY (Nobody gets down like we do in NY), dude is 6'10 so you know it takes him a while to get drunk, and he seems like he's the most layed back guy on the team.
Posted by: Asaad Weaver | March 17, 2006 at 01:46 PM
I'd party with Kwame. Would be funny to see how he claps his hands when he drops a beer or when he drinks through everything but his mouth.
Posted by: ravi | March 17, 2006 at 01:51 PM
I was thinking Luke before I even read the entire blog. I agree with your assessment of growing up in party cities. But, you have to remember, even he was thrown out of the Rose Bowl. Would he be a liability? Looking at his hippie dad and the 5 bears on his arm, I'm sure you'd find other recreational activities if you did get tossed. But you could always meet up with LO for a green St. Paddys day.
Posted by: Maleke | March 17, 2006 at 01:59 PM
I'd take Lamar. Back in his Clippers days that guy could score some quality **** until he got caught by the league a couple of times.
Still, it does show that the man knows how to have a good time.
Posted by: Jimbo | March 17, 2006 at 02:20 PM
me: hi lamar. guess we'll be kicking it today as part of the laker irish charity event.
lamar: cool
me: so where you wanna go
lamar: anywhere
me: alright, lets go clubbing and meet some chicks then. I'll be your wing man.
lamar: cool
me: which club
lamar: anywhere
me: alright. here we are...
lamar: i'll go in in a sec.
me: ok. imma go check out the crowd then.
lamar: cool
*10 mins later*
me: lamar, you're eyes kind of red. you ok?
lamar: i'm stoned
me: man, you should have told me cause i DO IT TOOO!!
lamar: OH FO REAL DOGG? DONT WORRY I GOT A WHOLE OUNCE IN MY BACKPOCKET. LETS GO SMOKE THAT STUFF RIGHT NOW MAN. MAN THIS MIGHT BE A GREAT NIGHT AFTERALL. DUDE, I .....
me: yo lamar, stay focus man. you're energy level's so inconsistant.
lamar: DUDE IM JUST SO ... what are we talking about again?
me: nm, lets just drink some beer. waiter, 2 pitchers please.
lamar: i'm straight. i'm cool man. i'm straight.
me: ??? you still with me? here drink this.
lamar: hehehehehehe
me: whats so funny
lamar: huh? *still smiling*
me: what are you laughing about.
lamar: man i remember when i was 7 and .... i forgot
me: check out those 2 chicks. lets go talk to them.
lamar: i cant, i have a family.
me: well, i dont so i need your help. I only get to use you for one night.
lamar: *smiling and spacing out*
me: aight, just sit here. i'll bring them over.
me: hey, this is my best friend lamar. we grew up together. he's a basketball player.
lamar: yo I'm lamar and i'm from the NYC.
girls: wow how exicting. what team do you play for?
lamar: *spacing out* the LA...... clippers
me: *elbows him* no the lakers. He plays for the lakers.
girls: so what are you guys...
lamar: hey cut the chitchat. here's the deal. my man here is ... how should i say this that doesnt sound stupid..... he's looking for a meaningful one night relationship.
girls: lol. anything for you mr lakers. annnyyythhing. *wink*
me: omg. I cant believe that worked. Lamar you are a genious. best night out EVER!
lamar: that's how we do it in the NYC baby!
Posted by: the Lamar Show | March 17, 2006 at 02:35 PM
Ravi - nice one, very funny!
Great post - Why are folks always so serious in here anyway?
Yep, I would definately kick it with Luke. He was alo my choice from the outset, but thanks for breaking it down for me! I might have said AK or BK, but then I remembered that you two are always drinking iced tea at Staples, so Luke it is.
on a side note: I was thinking today (at happy hr) "why do we celebrate St. Pattys anyway?". But then I thought, "Do I care...?"
Let's get a win tonight!!!
Posted by: Cooper's Socks | March 17, 2006 at 02:44 PM
Great post AK... very funny.
I actually LOL-ed when I read the Kwame line. I instantly pictured him bobbling a beer and getting foam all over those little slippery hands of his.
:)
Posted by: frank1rizzo | March 17, 2006 at 02:47 PM
The Lamar Show,
Awesome. Simply awesome, yo.
Posted by: Jon Kavulic | March 17, 2006 at 02:50 PM
I'd go with Kobe anyway, "Dude, you'll never guess who I spent Patty's day with? Kobe Damn Bryant!!!!" You got a better than even chance of "who?" or worse yet, "and???", if you throw out any of the other names in any city but this one. You got one shot, one pick? We've all partied before, anyone hung with the Mamba lately?
Posted by: Vman | March 17, 2006 at 02:52 PM
Lamar Show
Dude, seems like you've been thinkin' / dreamin' this one through for a while. Big ups.
Posted by: Vman | March 17, 2006 at 03:00 PM
Good work. While fans comtemplate burning mediocre green with the Lakers, King's fans know all too well, given the quality of green up north, that to do so would render their Queens helpless on the basketball court.
Posted by: sonny belfast | March 17, 2006 at 03:02 PM
CHECK THIS OUT, you all don't really know kobe. we all thought he was mr goody two shoes, until colorado. well , i'll party with him, ofcourse incognito, so it would be him and myself and some hotel attendants in a discrete location, orgies and no lawsuit. get it.
Posted by: emman | March 17, 2006 at 03:15 PM
Jon you spend all your time on this blog huh? damn, you love to write essays don't you?
Posted by: What's your Purpose? | March 17, 2006 at 03:15 PM
What's your Purpose?,
I don't spend ALL my time on this blog. I spend ALMOST ALL my time on this blog.
Such is the consequence of having a crappy job.
Anyhow, yeah, I like writing essays. I'm a professional writer for God's sake.
Best essay of the day goes to the Lamar Show, though.
Posted by: Jon Kavulic | March 17, 2006 at 03:22 PM
Reason not to pick Aaron McKie: After making plans to meet at a bar at 10 PM, he would show up five months later. Then, he'd be sitting in his car outside, not yet being able to actually make it inside the bar until a few more weeks go by.
Slava wouldn't be a good pick either -- he'd show up at the wrong bar and order a Snickers bar.
Posted by: Biff Tannen | March 17, 2006 at 03:29 PM
To Lamar Show:
Hilarious chat buddy. Good job.
Posted by: Sunny | March 17, 2006 at 03:35 PM
vman,
its friday and just bored at work. LOL. came out naturally.
Posted by: the Lamar Show | March 17, 2006 at 03:44 PM
Seriously, I average about one hour on the internet daily, that's all. And that's too much, really. In that time, I'm able to read desired contents of three newspapers, scan craigs list, do other business, and participate in two sports blogs; the Kings "discussion forum" per the Sac Bee, and the la times lakers blog.
What I don't get is how someone can spend "almost all my time on this blog"??? Do you read it over and over again? Granted, this blog is one of the best I've seen for NBA clubs, far superior to the poor excuse for one they have up north in Sacramento, but really. And why?
Posted by: sonny belfast | March 17, 2006 at 03:48 PM
D-Wade: Superman
Some of you sited Bill Simmons' NBA column earlier today, higlhighting his comments about Kobe's lack of "clutchness."
But I thought the most interesting part of his column were his comments about the other-worldly D-Wade:
"John Hollinger stole my thunder here. Originally I wrote a longer section in this spot about how Dwyane Wade was the 2006 MVP -- how it wasn't even really that close, how he's the best two-way player in the league; how he's been scoring 33 a game and shooting 56 percent from the field for the past two months; how he's the one star in the league who can completely turn a game around in about 90 seconds; how he got over an early season funk of taking bad shots and makes the right decisions nearly all the time; how he's probably the toughest two-guard since the late-'90s MJ; how he's the most efficient superstar since the early-'90s MJ; how he's been on a mission since he didn't win the MVP at the All-Star Game; how he has a knack for raising his game when it matters -- and then Hollinger blew this same premise into an entire column. Beat me by one day. If it happens again, I'm going to have him killed."
Gotta agree with Simmons and Hollinger. I watch the Heat's games in awe of this kid Wade. He's one of the greatest players I've ever seen -- clearly the best perimeter player to emerge since Jordan's prime. In Wade, we're watching a very special player put his stamp on a team and a league. I didn't think Shaq had a shot at winning another title in Miami, but I think D-Wade will probably deliver one.
Posted by: Ron Ruiz | March 17, 2006 at 03:57 PM
Slava would be out working on his game and working on his new nutrition plan of Snickers, PayDay, Milky Way, and Milk Duds.
Posted by: Zen | March 17, 2006 at 03:57 PM
The Lamar show.
That's some funny $hiet. For LO, its always St Patty's Day in LA. While some drink the green beer, some smoke the green....you know what I mean, dawg. He needs to share some of that to Kobe, so he can slow down a bit. hehe..jk..In Miami, they have the nasty stuff. That's why LO played a lot better with the Heat. He didn't get a lot of greens. Anyways, that's old news. He's playing better in the last 10 games.
Posted by: flakers | March 17, 2006 at 04:06 PM
1st period. Kings up 13 to 4 over Pacers. Anyone know the Lakers score?
Posted by: sonny belfast | March 17, 2006 at 04:16 PM
hahahahaha slava as the official candy bar spokeman?? i like it.
Posted by: the Lamar Show | March 17, 2006 at 04:17 PM
Is it patty day? I need to go get a few beers at half time.
mike
Posted by: Michael Teniente | March 17, 2006 at 04:23 PM
why do we have non-laker fans in a lakers blog?
Posted by: Faith | March 17, 2006 at 04:32 PM
Alright, game time. Let's go!
GO LAKERS!
mike
Posted by: Michael Teniente | March 17, 2006 at 04:37 PM
Great post the Lamar show! I will go with Luke to like AK. Great pick
Posted by: Jorge Delgado | March 17, 2006 at 04:45 PM
Kings have gone freezing, but still up 10 late in the 2nd quarter. Has the Lakers game started yet. Anyone know the score?
Posted by: sonny belfast | March 17, 2006 at 04:49 PM
Go Lakers! D!
Posted by: Faith | March 17, 2006 at 05:33 PM
Ron Ruiz,
I've definitely got to agree about D-Wade, but just to a certain extent. I just have a problem with proclaiming guys the best (insert word here) since MJ. I think that he's definitely a stud and I love how he drives the ball to the hole a lot and takes a limited amount of three-pointers, two things I wish Kobe would do.
But I can't proclaim him to be the best since MJ, especially not when I see Kobe Bryant's unique combination of physical gifts and unparalleled motivation. And not when I'm not 100% convinved Lebron James won't end up being a better player. Although I am about 90% positive D-Wade will end up being better than Lebron, because of Lebron's 4th qtr. deficiencies.
Posted by: Xodus | March 17, 2006 at 06:53 PM
21 turnovers? Damn! What part of stupid don't these guys understand? Great Defense...stupid turnovers. 22 3's! If it's not one thing it's another. First, too much 3's, then no defense, and now we're going through a turnover epidemic. It's a mystery. I guess the only consolation is that we know the Lakers should have won, but I guess we're just too young to have it all together at this time in these young guys careers.
mike
Posted by: Michael Teniente | March 17, 2006 at 06:57 PM
No matter what Kobe Bryant says, he's tired! He may not admit it but his legs are telling on him.
mike
Posted by: Michael Teniente | March 17, 2006 at 06:58 PM
hey ita fickle thing,not long ago even the guys that hated Kobe had to say he was the best player..yes even Simmons...nobody thought Wade was in the race when the heat started slow.All in all we are ina palce where we dont have a definative guy like MJ,the leagues been looking for one in a while and nobody has been able to consistently be the guy...Kobe is the closest thing to it just because hes been around long enough to have a history.The mvp is a stupid award and the playoffs will ultimately be the judge of whoe on top of the season...but what would Kobe do on a team where he was the main guy but had some serious help? either everything has a * becasue of Shaq or hes been on crappy teams.Everyone thought Kobe was the best or second best player in the league when Shaq was around now Wade is...Wades game has improved as Shaqs has he looked out of synch earlier in the season when he had a 50 % ball team with more talent in an easier conference than Kobe did...bottom line...who knows? Wades stats are nice and its easy for him to look good right now and hes arguably in the best situaiton hwe will ever be in right now. but Kobes still a more proven player and hes never been in the right situation to maximise his potential.
Posted by: ranter | March 17, 2006 at 11:08 PM
Ranter:
One more thing. I don't consider anything I said to be worthy of spot light attention. As a matter of fact, I felt terrible for writing the things I did about Chris Mihm. I felt a terrible amount of guilt for the way I belittled Mihm, even embarrassed unto myself, almost as if I committed some type of sin or something. I almost want to apologize to Chris if I hurt him in anyway with my posts concerning him. That's why I kind of had fun at Jon's expense, because I wanted to divert attention from anything I wrote earlier to something that I considered to be more light hearted in nature as oppossed to my previous posts. But as for having the spot light...I think not. And if so, I'm not proud of it.
mike
Posted by: Michael Teniente | March 18, 2006 at 12:56 AM
first of all, i want to give the cavaliers a little credit for the come from behind victory... with a little help from the referees, of course. how could you not call those fouls on kobe and then call a touch foul on the other end? can we get non kobe hater referees next time?
but then, why does kobe take all those fade away, off balanced shots from the 3-pt line when all you need is a point to tie and 2 to win? not to mention you got a couple of teammates open. the whole league already knows that play and they seem to react well now. pleaseeeeeee.... try a different play next time. is that really the play? kobe takes the shot no matter what? and for the teammates... when kobe gets trapped like that, don't just watch help him out and maybe if he sees you, he might give you the ball.
can somebody fill me in on phil jackson's rotation? i just don't get it. why keep the same team on the floor when they just blew an 18 point lead? and what about taking a time out when your team is falling apart? at the end of the game he has about 2 time outs left. what is he planning on doing with those time outs? save it for the next game?
anyway... just venting... GO LAKERS and please get a W in boston!
Posted by: ray | March 19, 2006 at 01:17 PM